Back in 1977 the experiences and concerns of police families were invisible. Police officers were regarded as super-humans, unaffected by their day-to-day exposure to tragedy, cruelty, and stress. In my counseling job, I heard very different stories from their spouses. Ever since, it has been my mission to support police families and find ways to keep the job from damaging family life. It has taken more than two decades, but I am pleased and proud to say police families are no longer invisible. The books I picked are proof that the family behind the badge matters as much as the person wearing it.
Kevin Gilmartin is a psychologist and a retired sheriff’s deputy. I’ve known him for years. He is one of the funniest and wisest people around.
His book on managing a police career focuses on dealing with stress, controlling hypervigilance, and building resilience. Written in language cops and their families will recognize (he doesn’t mince words either), I know of no other book that so clearly describes the emotional and physical wear and tear of a police career and offers in-your-face advice on how to survive.
Addresses the dynamics that can transform within a matter of a few years, idealistic and committed law enforcement officers/employees into cynical, angry individuals who begin having difficulties in both the personal and professional aspects of their lives. It points out how law enforcement personnel develop a social perceptual set that can potentially see employees engaging in inappropriate behavior patterns and decision-making that leads to both administrative and can unfortunately in some personnel lead to criminal difficulties. The basic theme and goal of the book is to provide information that lets the officer/employee see how the deterioration process can take place…
It is not easy to write a self-help book without sounding pompous or unrealistic. This is why The Dance of Intimacy became a model for my own self-help books.
Lerner’s writing is straightforward, personal, and practical. She is, as am I, an unabashed feminist who understands that strengthening and/or healing relationships require the participation of both partners. First published in 2009 I have recommended this wise book to hundreds of clients.
In The Dance of Intimacy, the bestselling author of The Dance of Anger outlines the steps to take so that good relationships can be strengthened and difficult ones can be healed. Taking a careful look at those relationships where intimacy is most challenged--by distance, intensity, or pain--she teaches us about the specific changes we can make to achieve a more solid sense of self and a more intimate connectedness with others. Combining clear advice with vivid case examples, Dr. Lerner offers us the most solid, helpful book on intimate relationships that both women and men may ever encounter.
Gifts from a Challenging Childhood
by
Jan Bergstrom,
Learn to understand and work with your childhood wounds. Do you feel like old wounds or trauma from your childhood keep showing up today? Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed with what to do about it and where to start? If so, this book will help you travel down a path…
I’m married to a remodeling contractor, not a cop. I often need to explain this to people. If you’re looking for a tell-all memoir written by a police spouse, you have several to choose from.
Cyndi Doyle’s book is unique. She is both a counselor and a police spouse. Her book and her podcasts, Code 4 Couples, meld her personal and clinical experiences with up-to-date studies on behavior. She covers the field from sleep to sex using humor and candid examples from her own decade plus law enforcement marriage. I like her honesty and appreciate her telling it-like-it-is.
She was frustrated! Feeling second to the department again had begun to breed indifference and contempt in her relationship. As a mental health and couple's counselor, she knew those were bad omens. Despite her training, she could not figure out what was happening with them. Then, a speaker at a professional conference, gave insight that ignited a passion to understand her law enforcement husband and empower them as a couple to protect their relationship. Learn the research, psychology, and personal experiences when combined created an "ah-ha" moment that led to improved communication, connection, and ultimately resilience as individuals and together.…
I forgave Dr. Matsakis for the sexist title of her book written in 2005, nearly twenty years ago. While the title is hopelessly out of date, the range and scope of the information she provides is timeless.
She addresses topics other authors avoid such as sexual jealousy, loneliness, homecoming, and readjustment issues. Every chapter includes tips or exercises to help you tackle uncomfortable emotions and have difficult conversations with yourself and your loved one. She does a particularly good job writing about how children are affected by their parents’ job-related trauma.
Millions of American women live each day with a troubling question in the backs of their minds: Will my partner come home today? It's a fact of life when the individual with whom they share their lives is in the military, the police or fire department, or any other dangerous profession. Of course, these women carry on normal day-to-day lives, pursuing their own careers and raising their families. But the constant knowledge that the worst could happen at any time can cause them considerable emotional pain and certainly raises significant practical concerns about how to think about and plan for…
Gifts from a Challenging Childhood
by
Jan Bergstrom,
Learn to understand and work with your childhood wounds. Do you feel like old wounds or trauma from your childhood keep showing up today? Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed with what to do about it and where to start? If so, this book will help you travel down a path…
Stephanie Conn had “cred.” She is a cop turned psychologist, and the daughter and wife of law enforcement officers.
Her book is both well researched and easy to read. What sets it apart from other books is that in every chapter she has separate sections specifically addressing the concerns and options for family members, civilian employees, and police administrators.
Written in the first person, I felt as though I was having a leisurely conversation with a wise, experienced woman who knows the police culture and is more than generous with her suggestions about navigating the ups and downs of a law enforcement career.
Increasing Resilience in Police and Emergency Personnel illuminates the psychological, emotional, behavioral, and spiritual impact of police work on police officers, administrators, emergency communicators, and their families. Author Stephanie Conn, a clinician and researcher as well as a former police officer and dispatcher, debunks myths about weakness and offers practical strategies in plain language for police employees and their families struggling with traumatic stress and burnout. Sections of each chapter also offer guidance for frequently overlooked roles such as police administrators and civilian police employees. Using real-world anecdotes and exercises, this book provides strengths-based guidance to help navigate the many…
If you think it’s hard being a cop, try being married to one. Police families face remarkable challenges. I wrote I Love a Cop to give families practical ways to manage the stress of the job and create a healthy, supportive home environment. I don’t mince words. After forty years counseling cops and their families, my suggestions for handling relationship dilemmas—distinguishing between what you can control and what you can’t—are both frank and realistic. The book covers everyday issues like communication and shift work as well as remarkable issues like PTSD, domestic violence, discrimination, and addictions. I illustrate these topics with stories inspired by real families struggling to resolve real-time problems with manageable solutions.
